I dare you to....

As the world goes by, everything's change cause they wanna keep move on anyway. And in this crazy life, when I walked my future, I met you. I never thought that I'll met you at that moment. And I got to confess that you've make me feel some kind of feeling that I never felt before. It's like butterfly flying on my stomach. I feel something different comes to my heart, I don't know what it is and makes me think it's a weird feeling at first. I never knew what is love before, as my world teach me not to sing of love, cause it does not exist. 'till you come from nowhere into my life, and prove that what I thought isn't true.

Start from crush, like, then become love. It's not an instant time for me. It's not easy for me to fall for someone. I've locked my heart, and burn the key. I always make sure no one comes in. But then I was so surprised, how come you found my heart key and change everything?

Now I'm afraid. When I see your eyes at the first time, I just started to like you. And when I like you, I'm afraid to love you. And now that I really love you, damn, I'm so much afraid to lose you. I'm afraid that someday future makes us fall apart. I just can't hardly breath. My lips can't say anything, but my heart scream, please don't go, will you?

Destiny has brought us together, and finally destiny has to decide what's the next step between you and me. You don't know that I always worry where will the future take us. Hmm..... blowing my mind. Can't imagine it. The fact is I'm too afraid to imagine it.

Promise me, when you read this, can you do what I'll ask to you? Cause there are millions word I never told you, and this short line of song above represent what I wanna tell you.

And I dare you to find these songs. Please hear it. These are what my heart sings to you. Use your heart to feel it. I always besides you. You know it.

1. "........ I just can't get enough, how much do I need to fill me up. It feels so good, it must be love....."

2. "...cause I miss you body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away..."

3. ".....so close to reaching that famous happy end, almost believing this was not pretend. Now you're besides me, and look how far we've come...."

4. "......and in this crazy life, and trough these crazy time, it's you it's you, You make me sing, you're every line, you'every word...."

5. "......boy I hear you in my dream, I feel you're whisper across the sea. Keep you with me in my heart, you make it easier when life gets hard...."

6. "....I think I'm fallin' for you, I've been waitin' all my life and now I've found you...."

7. "....and you come to me on a summer breeze, keep me warm with your love then you softly leave. And it's me you need to show, how deep is your love...."

8. "....if I could fall, into the sky, did you think time, would pass us by? Cause you know I'll walk a thousands miles if could just see you tonight......"

9. ".......you are my first romance, and the willing to take a chance. That 'till life is trough, I'll still be loving you...."

10. "......Someday we'll know why Samson loved Delilah. One day I'll go dancing on the moon. Someday you'll know, that I was the one for you....."

11. ".......And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid, like I love you....."

I know that you can always feel me dear, although I'm not besides you today. You know that I'm yours :)

P.S. I Love you

Can I stay ?

I just read a quote, I don't know, but suddenly my mind end up in another quote that people always said: "Boyfriend comes and goes, but best friend stay forever". Hmmm..... really??? Can boyfriend stay forever just like best friend did? Or there is always limit time of a relationship, that someday it WILL, and it a MUST break up someday??

well, hell yeah, limit time? a relationship had a limit time???, just like food huh? expired time. When it's the time of expired time, we can't feel anything anymore, just some toxic if you keep pushing to move on. But still...... I just wanna know, How to kill this expired time? Can I eat it although it's been change into toxic anyway, and I know I will die if I still wanna eat it. Can I?

Why just best friend can stay forever with you? Can I stay too? why do I have limit time with you? while I have set up on my mind that you're have no limit time on my life. Limit time, expired, toxic, can I just heal them all ?

Or maybe I gotta think in another way....hmmm.... if your best friends are the only one who can stay forever with you, how about me? Can I be your best friend ? Is the position of girlfriend different with best friends? So what can I do to stay with you? Should I end this, break it up, then just being your best friend? cause you know girl friend don't stay forever, huh?

Then, what is love anyway? can love make you stay forever? No? really? So love is NOTHING ? So, love is such a waste time? so the only love just from best friends?........

then.....then I've decided, I'll marry my best friend.

The Way You Look At Me

Hi guys, it’s been a long time since my last post. I’ve been so busy lately. But actually, so many AWESOME stories I got to tell you. But take it slow. I’ll tell you all latter…

The way you look at me…
Don’t ever think that the story will be a romantic story. Don’t ever think this story will melt your heart. This is not a love story. This is not the story about a sweet boy who met a cute girl. Nope! This story is so far away from what you think, and what you can imagine. This is the story about me when I met hmmmm………. How to say it……hmmmm…….his name is……..Locky. Want to know who is Locky ? You’ll catch up latter in this story. Get ready for it, and Here we go!....

This story was begin at Sunday afternoon when I felt very sad about something. Something that shouldn’t be important to talk about. Aaaarrrrgggghhhhh! And that thing successfully tears me up and cried for hours. Yeah, I did called my father then. I made a called, and suddenly my tears just fall easily. But anyway, that’s not the point. The thing is, this crying activity makes me so so so tired after all. But I still pushing my self to study, prepare for the mid test for the next day. I was studied until 3 am. Then I went sleep. After I slept for about one hour. I felt like a tiny step, stepping on my bed. I thought I was dream. But that was woke me up. I sat on my bed, then saw a tinny little creature. I’m not sure what was that…

My eyes was straightly look at his eyes. He looked at me, I was looked at him. There’s no romantic side at all. Damn! Hahahaha. We are just looking each other. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing. The world suddenly be quite. The way you look at me, I was so surprised when our eyes crushed on each other. I didn’t expect that we’ll meet in this way. Yeah! In this awkward situation, and actually, in the wrong time.

And I think…. Hey, since when we have a cute puppy dog in this house. He is so tinny if I’m compare him with normal size of puppy dog. I just be quite. Still connecting my mind to the real world. Tik…tok…tik…tok…. 2 minutes latter, then I realized. Hey! He’s not a puppy dog. His eyes, fur, nose, everything…. I know what he is! A mouse! M.O.U.S.E !!!! what? Mouse??????? MOUSE!!!!!!!!!! I feel like is the end of the world (sorry I’ve been ‘lebay’ again, it’s just like ‘default’ setting of my self. LOL). Damn! How come a mouse could stand on my lovely bed??? Suddenly I said: “shuuh shuuuh shuuuuuh…..!!!, huaaaa get out off my bed!!!!” And this creature run away and stayed under my bed. I could feel it. He knock my bed. It was scared me. Hoooooossssssshhhhh. Oh God, well, I think I don’t care what was happened. All I know is I gotta sleep A.S.A.P . I’m really sleepy actually. So I closed my eyes. Wait, there is something flash on my mind. Hey, wait up! Is a mouse today become so cute like that mouse? Why the mouse that I just saw was brown ? Why that mouse has a big eyes like……like…. How to say it…..like….. Hamster!!!! Hey! He’s Locky! Oh yeaaaaaah…. I didn’t realized it at all. How….how…how come????? How come he could be on my room ??? And after I realized it, I still sleepy and decided to find Locky tomorrow, when my mind is fresh and I can think clearly. Hooaaaaaheeeemmmmm……… zzzzzzzZZZZzzzzzz……..

Hey Locky, did you know, I’ve made a poem about our situation at that night, not night, I meant so so early in the morning :

“The way you look at me”

It wasn’t the first time we meet
It wasn’t a romantic time at all
You just scared me right in the eyes
If I could freezing moment in my mind,
Oh No! of course I want it happened again..

Cause there something in the way you look at me
You’re not the amazing piece
You make me believed that you were a puppy dog,
Even you make me believed that you were a MOUSE!
You make me said “hush…hush…” to you
And I knew, latter I gotta say sorry to you

The way you look at me
I think the world stop spinning
And also….
My mind was stop thinking
Sorry bro, I didn’t realized
But, if I knew it was you….
You still scare me,
Cause your face still like a MOUSE
Can’t catch you, can’t touch you
I just can’t….

Extraordinary Short Story

Well, I think the crushed is end. Not really end, but hell yeah, I made it end. He also made it end. I wanna give a second change. But seems that there's no second change. It's over. So far away to find you. But, it's too easy to let you go. And the thing is, I'm too arrogant to say sorry.

And, anyway, it's just a broken strings right now. Can't fixed. Can't played. Just find another one.

Do you know what's 831 means? Well, it's a code. 8 letters, 3 words, and just one meaning. At the second word. Can anyone tell me what's the meaning of the second word? The second word consists of 4 letters. Damn it! I never learn to pronounce them. What the hell is it???

Cry, tears, awkward, weird, laugh, and every expressions. And it's gone now. I can't feel anything. Seems that I need to walk a thousands miles to find the real meaning of it. Maybe not now, maybe latter, or maybe.....maybe on another life. Maybe.

In the middle of the night,
The broken strings .

When I saw you at the first time

A few minutes ago, I opened my twitter account (follow my account @ekaudiyani). I read a line. Damn it, it’s a good one. That line makes me go back and remember some memories. The line is so simple. But it could make me takes a long time to move and read another line.

Well, the line is: “I still remember the day when I first saw you”

After I read that line, I felt some kind of flash back that reminds me with people around my life. I’m trying to remember the day when I first saw them. And I do! I still remember it, clearly. When I first saw my best friend at junior high school.

It was the first day at junior high school. I sat at the front sit. I was alone at that time until the break time. Everybody went out the class. They went to the canteen. And it was still me and two girls which sat at the back sit. They smile at me. And I just walked to get close with them. We just started to talked. I love them.

I do! I still remember how I met my first seatmate at high school. In the second day of high school. It was so early in the morning. There was just a few students. She came to me. Reached my hand and we were shaking hand. She smile at me. At that time I got feeling that my high school time will be awesome! And that’s true. Everyone was so kind. I love them. They smile with their eyes. When I’m in high school, everyone in my class was my best friend. I love them.

I do! I still remember how I met my roommate, Mita, at the dorm when I went to college for the first time. I sat at the dorm canteen waiting for her. Then I saw a girl with her daddy came close to me. She was smiled. So do I. we talked at that time, and get to know each other. Awesome.

I do! I still remember how I met Dayu. First time I saw her when I went to the class to have test to get college. I met her at the stair. She seemed so confuse about where is the test class. I met her, then we introduced our self. We talked about what department we’ve choose at the institute. I feel fun.

I do! I still remember how I met Rina. Before we met, I know her name from the list who get accepted in industrial department at my institute. I found her. I met her for the first time at gazebo. I just saw her, but we didn’t talked yet. First time I talked to her, a month after that time, in front of the class, right before she come inside.

I do! I still remember how I met Riris. it was the time after the student at my campus got a test about something. and we sat at the plaza. se smile at me, and we introduce our self. she told me that she ever went to my home town. and we started to talked and talked a lot.

I do! I still remember how I met my last crushed. It was still my holiday at second semester. I’ve back to this town after I through my great holiday at my hometown. i have nothing to do. So when my friend asked me to accompany her to a place at temple area to have a meeting about a ceremony that will be held, I just say yes. Yes! I’ll come. After that meeting, I just sat down and have some fun conversation with my friend. He just came right to me, and gave his hand. We started to shaking hand. He said his name twice. Then I said my name.

I do! I still remember how nervous I’m when I saw him another time. I couldn’t talk so much. On the outside shying away. On the inside dying to say.

I do! I still remember how happy I’m when he asked me to go out for the first time. But I couldn’t answer. I’m so stupid.

I do! I still remember how my friend gave me some advices about boys. He said that I should give it to the nature. Let the nature decided. But ‘till now, I still confuse, what’s nature decided for me. I don’t know. I just know that I should go straight. Live my life. That will be awesome!!!

How I Met Your Self

This time I wanna share a fun short story about how I spend my language lecture class. FYI, in this class, I was the youngest student, because to get in, in this class you should at least in second year or more. But I was lucky, so that I could jump in this class without any problem. The truth is, I really enjoyed in this class. 1st because I'm so excited to be the youngest one in the class, that makes me felt special. LOL. 2nd it's because honestly for a long time ago, I always excited about the study of language. That's a fact. 3rd is, I just loved it, no special reason, hahaha....
But, the thing is, most of the time we spent this class by sat in the chair just listening some presentation from other student group about their own topic. Most of the student feel bored. Maybe because of the topic they didn't interest of. Then of course, this condition was a little influenced me to not 100% pay attention to the presentation group. I just got interested to the topic presentation at the beginning and found some problems about the topic. After I successfully found the "missing part" of that topic, I asked one or two question to the presentation group. After that, I just loosed my attention and got a busy work to do.....

Yeaaah. I really loved what I did next. I'd just opened my notes. Looked at the last page, and start to drew some pictures about the one that I loved. KAKAP. I started to made some lines, and made his silly face. With his big cheeks of course. LOL. Then I kept digging up my memorizes about him. Sometimes I just stop for a while, remember the most silly thing about him and then laughed. My senior just felt weird about what I did. They just didn't know what's going on my mind. LOL.

Every single day at this class, I drew 2 or 3 panels. So, at the end of this semester, I got 4 pages of comic book about how I met him. But, thanks God! I got an A in this class. Yipeeeee :D
First page :

Look at the top of this page. That was the title of my first assignment in this class. I wrote every little idea that swimming on my mind. So, I wrote it. And I though that will be a perfect title for my assignment. Hohoho.

Panel 1 : (One day, Ups, I mean one night)

Panel 2 : (Clingak clinguk) “Hmm, who will be the next target”

Panel 3 : (Another ten minutes….siiiiiing…….still….) “Oahem…”

Panel 4 : (And when the next ten minutes)

Me--- “Oooh boy, I got a great idea!!”, “Awesome”

Him--- “Ok boys!”

Panel 5 : Him--- “What’s up girl!!”

Me--- “Hell yeah, bro, I need ur assignment”

Him -à “Sure! Get a line” (sweat sweat…..)

Panel 6 : Short info --àdon’t you know that sweat is consist of some pheromones. And pheromones could makes you suddenly falling for someone!!!

Second page :

FYI, one of the thing that he said to me on panel 2…. he made a funny named of mine. He called me “putud”. That was weird name at first, but nowadays, my close friends sometimes called me “putud”…..

Panel 1 : Me --- “and u are from what generation?”

Him --- “sure! 2007”

Me --- “ok then…”

Panel 2 : “and bla…bla…bla….bla….bla….”

Panel 3 : (Well let’s skip the story ‘till the present, today….) “I hate u ****, I’m so hate you, that I can’t say how much I hate u

Panel 4 : Me --- “ok, let’s just promise not to see each other for 10 years”

Him --- “ok, that’s a good choice”

Panel 5 : (And then….we never meet again for 10 years…..)

Panel 6 : (But maybebetween this 10 years we ever met, but we PRETENDING not to see each other….like we never know before)

Panel 7 : (But (again) I (still) looking for you, damn it >.<, I can’t stand it……) “find…find….find..”

Panel 8 : (But this story isn’t finish yet…. So calm down guys =D )

Third page :

Panel 1 : (till someday he wrote this….) “I’ll be the next what’s up new York!!!

Panel 2 : (then my brain suddenly shining) “nguing…nguing…..nguing…..”

Panel 3 : (a ha!, I have a brilliant idea) “Yup, I’ll go to New York!!!”

(But how???) ; (I plan to study hard)

Panel 4 : (being nerd, have socialite with just books) ; (benkyo ne…! benkyo ne…! benkyo ne….!)

Panel 5 : (but, study hard, being nerd at first, and everything just study, still HARD! To make it real for me….) ; (My imagination---film, movie, comic, still teasing me….hell yeah…)

Panel 6 : (still…I wanna go to New York, someday, live and life there) ; (with or without you…)

Last page :

Panel 1 : (added story) ; (5 years latter, 2015, New York city, New York, USA) “Finally, what’s up New York???!!!!” ; (I live in New York, in the great great company, in the very good position) ; (live in the very excellent apartment, with shiny sport car, AWESOME!)

Panel 2 : (on morning when I jogging) “ What??? I think I know him! (hosh hosh hosh)

Panel 3 : “ wait wait!!!” (at that time I’m sure it’s him!) ; (hosh hosh)

Panel 4 : him--- “hmm, yeah??”

Me--- wait wait…. (ee..cotto matte kudasai!!! ---japan language)

(Yeah you are rite! That’s him!)

Panel 5 : me--- “hey, dude, it’s been 6 years….how r u?”

Him--- “I’m fine, still awesome, last year I got marry”

Me--- “what??? Congratz boy!...”

Panel 6 : (broken glass) ; ( Although it’s been 6 years, but what he said, just broken my feeling, but I’m fine without you……)

And that's all of the story. I wanted him so bad, so that I made this silly comic.

But after all, I just loved to draw what's going on my mind and also this is the way I enjoyed

my language class :D

Deal with INSOMNIAC

Surabaya, 16th August 2010,,,
4 am GMT,,,

This is kind of new habit for me during this holiday. 2 months holiday, but I just spent it for 1,5 months. Well, that's not the big problem in this story. S.O.S alert was ringing just because I can't sleep almost every night during this holiday. I just can't figure it out why this thing could happened. Well maybe I just very excited about this holiday, or many things walk around on my mind but I don't know for exactly.

Oh man, this is so lame after all. This problem drive me to meet another big shoot. I feel hungry in the middle of the night. Oh great! Another thing is, well, whether you realized or not, when you did not slept at the night, you'll find out in the next morning that your eyes suddenly have a black circle. Hell yeah, FYI, that's so not good looking.
Well, maybe this stuff will be great attach to your eyes when halloween comes. LOL. The bad news is.... of course not everyday is halloween day. Awesome! here we go, this is the good part of insomniac. You can always scare people by your eyes, your pale face with some pimples, and weird expression. LOL. This can be better when I met a gorgeous boy in another day with this black circle attached to my eyes. Well, when I said : Hi, I'm ...... I'm not finished yet my keyword, but he already gave me a funny looks. His face just like wanna say: Oh really??? that's your face???.

Ok, of course, this is doesnt mean anything than the effect that you can get when you are not sleep well at the night. They are :...........
*I'll not tell you here. I just suggest you guys to check it out on the internet, cuz maybe if I did there will be miss information to you. LOL.

Hahaha, but after I write down every single word here, I feel sleepier and sleepier. Hoaheeemmm. This can be a good therapy for me.
So, good night, ups I meant, good morning guys.
See you in another story of my life.
Love yaa :D

Spicy hot ‘full’ day???! Mmmmm, yummy!!!

2 chilies? That’s so ordinary! 3 chilies?? Mmm, not bad. What about 4 chilies??? Well hell yeah, I can’t say no. I think that’s enough to warm up my tongue and stomach after all this time I don’t eat something spicy and definitely hot! Grrrrrr

What’s what? Well helloooo, do you know where you are? *my deep down inside shouted

Then I answered with half (still) don’t believe, I said out loud,,,

Yes mam!!! I do! I’m in my home now!!! Wohooooooo….. (I think I don’t have enough space to continue to write down the word ”o” , wkakakakakakak

So, I just decided to woke up at that lovely morning. I opened my eyes (that’s true). I felt the fresh morning air (still true).  I toke a breath (of course that’s true). The birds was sang beautifully (that’s half true). My dog talked to me like he said that I’m the cutest just wake up girl in the world (that’s really really just in my imagination, but I advise you to believe the line “I’m the cutest just wake up girl in the world “  cuz that’s true!) . And blah blah blah…. Okey, let’s skip the poem (although I’ll not mind to continue it if you ask to, xixixixi)

I walked to the kitchen and fond that there was a plate of spicy hot ‘lontong’ with some vegetable. It’s so hot because that’s include of 4 little red chillies. Just to see that hot spicy lontong, I felt something burning my throat, my saliva trying to fall down and make a big flood on my kitchen (euuuuuhhhhh :P). I just want to make it mine. I’ll do everything to make it mine. I’ll fight ‘till the end. ‘till my last blood. Rrrrrrrr.  *sorry, I becoming ‘alay’(again) xD

And my aunty shouted out loud from outside home,

“ hey, kid, that’s your breakfast, enjoy it!!!”

Okey, hell yeah, that word suddenly losing my mind to fight ‘till the end to grabing out that spicy hot lontong. Of course I don’t need to fight with my own self, hohohoho

Sluuuurrrrppp…..sluuuurrrppp…. uuuhhh I realy enjoy it! I felt that chilies burned up my mouth. But that feels damn good. My mouth, nose, and ears suddenly became red. Yes, like red red. But you know me, I didn’t even care xD

And that’s the story of my breakfast. Is this the end of the story? No!

Let’s talked about my lunch. I loved my lunch, hahaha :D

My lunch at that day was different with my ordinary day. I made my lunch by myself. Guess what?? Yup! My lunch was ‘rujak’!!! like double woooohooooo. Rujak is spicy hot mixed fruits. But I usually use just mangoes. You can see at the picture bellow. Can u imagine? How hot it is! I got to confess to you. I’m not really good at making this kind of food. Usually my aunty does. She is really good. Not only in this kind of food, but also most of the foods.

Let’s back to the story….

So I put 4 chilies, terasi, salt, red sugar, fish broth, and water on something called “cobek” which made of rock, and then crushed them into smoothy, just like a soup. Then I poured that spicy soup to the mangoes that I peeled first. Mmmmhhhhmmm…… I can felt it burns my tongue. Even when I just imagine it. But it’s not as good as when it comes from my aunty. But I did
n’t care, I still enjoyed it. Moooooo yaaaaaaa……!!! I felt like I could blew some fire from my mouth! It was so hot!!! Even very cold water couldn’t help it.

So I used my secret weapon. Hot rice! Yeaaahhh that’s it! Not hot like spicy just like rujak, but hot in another way. It’s hot because it’s warmed in the rice cooker. So I toke a spoon. Then scoop the rice into my mouth. I felt when the hot from the rice met the hot from the rujak. Hell yeah, that’s AWESOME!!! Hahahaha. After that I drank cold water from our refrigerator. Uuuuhhhh, I like it! That’s a life! xD

After that , a take a nap for awhile with my hand still hold on tv remote, xixixixi,,,

Couple minutes letter, my aunty and my little brother arrived at home. They just from a minimarket, in front of our house. *it’s so cool to live here because my house around with minimarket, supermarket, hardware store, some booths, hospital, hotel, bookstore, restaurants, and so much more

My aunty hold on a plastic bag consist of many kind of snack. I can handle my self not to it them. At that time I forgot that how I wanted to be slim and skinny. One by one I ate it. Not all that snack, but most of them. When all that snacks was out of stock, then I realized,,,

OMG! Soon I’ll be fatter and fatter! Arrrgggghhhhhh…..

So, I decided not to eat my dinner to less my weight. But you know what?! I forgot what I decided before and still ate my dinner. Full portion, I guessed, hahaha,,,

So the conclusion is “eat whatever you wanna eat, as long as that can make you happy”, another conclusion is “always prepare some stomachache medicine cuz you don’t know where your stomach will angry and mad about your greediness of food!”

Enjoy your life! :D